my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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