Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
