dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
