I bet he comes in French.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
