Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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