I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
