you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
