I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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