Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
