you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
