Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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