I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
