I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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