Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
