You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
