Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
