I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
