Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
