Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
