I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize