I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
