I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
