cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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