Cold hands, warm shart.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
