Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
