Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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