You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
