I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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