dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
