Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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