when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
