Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
