i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
