I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
