dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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