had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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