Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
