Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
