btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
