We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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