i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
