Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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