So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
