Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize