As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
