Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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