I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize