half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize