Where is the hickey?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
