He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
