brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
