I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
