You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize