dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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