I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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