hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
