Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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