Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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