where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
