why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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