"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
