Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
