I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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