i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Panties = found
Randomize
