How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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