so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize