My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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