why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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