Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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